Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
