It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
