ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she told me i tasted like america
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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