Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize