You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
