so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
