It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
