We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
