All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
