everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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