So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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