Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize