My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
