If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
