Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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