I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
