there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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