He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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