im drinking this country out of the recession.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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