Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
