I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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