He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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