There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
