im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize