I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
