Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
