I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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