i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
