I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize