So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
