I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
