...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize