Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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