its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
