I accidentally had phone sex last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
