If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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