I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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