I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
