I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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