he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
