I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
