he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it because I queefed?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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