I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
