Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
