went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
