I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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