Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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