i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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