It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
