Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
