Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
