I want to stick my p in your. b.
My liver just broke up with me...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
