I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
