Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
