my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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