So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
