Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
