just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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