so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
