Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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