I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
