I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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