I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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