my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
