The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
