I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
