I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
