I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
