don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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