So drunk its hurt
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
