So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
