he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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