How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
