you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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