u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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