I need help removing her.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
