My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
