Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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