An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
