Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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