sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
