Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
