I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize