I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
