how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
