If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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