So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
