her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
