I wish I could teleport
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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