his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
