You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
