I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
