Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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