no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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