im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
