So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
