On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
