The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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